I'm not one to explain myself, as a matter of fact I love to leave people guessing (especially when it comes to those doubting my vision). But, there comes a time when I think I need to address the changes in my life, especially since my eyes are changing everyday. So for once I will try to come though on some kind of level.
For starters, let me explain to you the photo above. I like to call it: "My Point of View". Fitting right? Those lenses depict my forever changing vision of living with Stargardts Disease, primarily categorized by a blind spot in the central line of vision. Sure it would be fascinating to put those babies on and see how I get to view the world and do things in my daily life, but fortunately for you, you're able to take them off.
There's definitely more than meets the eye, and in my case there are two of them - as we both know, they don't work very well.
At the beginning of this whole blind journey I figured things would never be the same nor would they ever return back to their normal state, but I didn't realize how much my visual impairment would impact other parts of my life.
I'm very familiar with people saying "don't let your disability define you", but I have a love hate relationship with that phrase. My blindness is forever apart of my identity and who I will continue to become as a person. It has motivated and changed my life for the best in many ways, creating new goals, finding new passions, and becoming a stronger advocate. BUT - I know with this change comes struggles that are unavoidable. Discrimination, depression, and daily tasks. Let's talk shall we?
THE GOOD AFFECTS:
What good comes out of going out blind? Nothing, I'm just kidding. Plenty of amazing things come from my visual impairment. My #1 positive affect is the passion I have gained for speaking up for the blind and visually impaired community. There is so much the world has yet to know and learn. Everyday I have taken my "gift" and sprinkled a little knowledge to everyone I meet.
Prior to my visual decline I thought I had plenty of empathy to go around but I had no clue how to truly connect and empathize with others until this change happened to me. It's ironic because although I am more cautious of other peoples situations, I know it's difficult for some to empathize with those affected by vision loss (being that blindness is a spectrum). So try to take a moment to empathize with my "permanent lenses".
Everyday I am learning to live and operate in different ways with the help of others and resources. Besides my sappy line "I have a new vision on the world" none of that would be possible with out true, unconditional support. It is definitely something I don't take for granted and am pleased with how far it has taken me.
THE NOT SO GOOD:
So, I like to keep every post I write rated R for "Real" because lets be honest, I'm not about to sugarcoat my life as a V.I.P (visually impaired person). With that being said I am not afraid to tackle the harder topics.
In conjunction with my eyes being imbedding in my head it's safe to talk about the effects of my mental health while living through blindness. I've discussed a little bit about how normal it is to have good and bad days, especially from a mental point of view. I know my vision loss has attributed to my fair share of mental breakdowns, sluggish days, and has impacted my daily functionality. Am I sad or anxious 24/7 I would love to say no because I'm always pretty positive and uplifting but sometimes it is something that can show up unannounced. Some people don't believe the effects of mental health are an excuse to have off days but I disagree. Thankfully I have an amazing outlet of support if I need anything and I am always an open ear for others as well.
I think I am the most independent yet super dependent person since becoming visually impaired. Here I go contradicting myself again. It's a little hard to explain but needless to say I try my very hardest to be as indepent as I can possibly be. Even going into the store and buying 1 shampoo and 1 conditioner is a big fat private high five to myself. ( I have accidentally accumulated multiple bottles of just shampoo). But I am heavily dependent on things such as transportation, others availability, and the williningness for someone to help me when I need them. I often think of how different life would be if I could drive, of do certain things alone with ease. And its sucks, let's be honest. It's harder to find piece of mind knowing I live sort of a spontaneous and inconsistent kind of life.
Like many things the list can go on and on, but for now- please take a second to just look at my "glasses", don't try them on just look. I say that because I want others to still keep their vision because how you truly see is through living. (I know, typically corny line) But take your vision and love it, think of my blindness as taking one for the team.
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