Here we are, something about publicly recognizing my relationship seems a little personal because, um it is? But, despite what I choose to share regarding small aspects of my love life, others are definitely kept private and will always remain that way. So why choose to share? Well, I think a few things about my relationship are real, raw, and relatable and I think everyone can take something away from my experience.
I met Joel over six years ago towards the end of my 8th grade year, cute, sappy, and awkward are all the right words I can use to describe our younger days. Oh and yes, I’m aware at almost 21 some would consider me a kid, (my biggest pet peeve) get out of here with that thought. Haha.
Refraining from blasting all the nitty gritty details of our first years dating, let’s just say in those moments there was a fair share of lovely chaos that has lead us to where we are now and are by NO means perfect, instead we’re just perfectly imperfect.
I know it shouldn’t necessarily matter that I happened to lose partial eye sight in the first year and a half of dating, but in a raw way it does matter. I also get it, the world is trying to come full circle in becoming more accepting to “inter-ability” relationships and I feel I have some explaining to do.
For starters, I like to consider myself able rather than disabled. It sure is difficult to turn back from being known as Joels blind girlfriend. I accept it, it is part of who I am and all I can do is own it. People are lucky I’m pretty cool about cracking a few jokes and setting stereotypical records straight, because it’s kind of my thing. On another note, there is some kind of misconception that the disabled individual isn’t able to do tasks by themselves, for themselves, or for others. Contrary to popular belief we both have our strong suits and capabilities. Sure, people see Joel reading menus or driving me places but what they don’t see is me cooking, planning things, or helping him with dumb questions (Love you Joel). Last I checked relationships worked as a team. So yes, I may be that partially blind girl dating a sighted man, but I sure as hell am balancing it well.
The mental tole of feeling less than your partner is HARD. Dealing with such a crappy mental state is probably one of the most difficult hurdles I’ve ever had to overcome. Even to this day I have my down days. ie: does being blind make me less than, I can’t do certain things for him because x-y-z, or do other people think him being with a sighted girl would be easier? It’s an uncomfortable topic that I think is important to share because I have thought these things time and time again. Especially because not everyone can understand how or what I think. Thankfully I have grown to develop a profound love and admiration for myself. It’s true, you CAN’T fully love someone else until you learn to love yourself, and I know I am more than able to provide love and support for another individual. Just understand the mental self doubts occur for me as they would with anyone, but I am more than enough.
You have to BOTH want it and know the responsibilities leading in. I am so very lucky to have a partner who is also my best friend and touches me on an intellectual level. Our fair share of ups and downs, happy tears and gut wrenching cries have shown it takes two to tango. Since I’m being very blunt, it’s important to communicate about how you both can help one another out and it comes down to doing your part. Not 50/50 but, 100/100 each way and if you or the other has no desire to hold up your end of the bar well, you know where the door is. We’ve learned to be more open and make compromises which has helped us in a variety of ways but at the end of the day this is what we love and want for each other.
There’s tough love but no put downs. I like to think of tough love as coming off a little harder and more assertive than traditional love, but I see it as an attempt to see someone strive. It’s healthy in some instances, I’m pretty proficient at giving and receiving tough love. However, put downs regarding my blindness is a major no no. I’ve never had to experience this from my partner (thank god ) but my capabilities can become a topic of discussion and when we collaborate on new opportunities for myself or just casually it is never used against me. Instead we use it as learning experiences and growth.
He is blind to my blindness. He may not understand what goes on in my head or even grasp the exact concept of how I see, but it doesn’t matter because he loves me regardless. I’ve heard how frustrating it can be sometimes, how certain days can be harder than others as a partner and I wish it wasn’t that way at times. If I had the ability to take the frustration and stress out of those days I would, just as much as the people on the outside but I cant’t. I do what I can bringing awareness and being as independent as I can be for not just myself but us.
On a simpler note, I am in awe that a human can accept and learn from me just as I learn from him. It never is a “shoot the breeze” kind of easy but I will say it is more than worth it. Love is Patient and I Am Blind.
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